I was reading one of my newly found favorite blogs (thanks Jenn) and I was so surprised to read that she talked about chronic pain being one of the worst trials (I think she called it the worst) to endure. Of course all things are relative to our experience but I was so struck by that comment. I have had some say in the past (who don't deal with chronic pain) that it's something they could handle. In my opinion this is a statement I would be careful not to make until you've walked a mile so-to-speak. I don't deal with what Stephanie from
nienie dialogues does by any stretch of the imagination but it really made me think and made me grateful that someone else understands what it's like to hurt a lot. I had another friend a couple of weeks ago say how she just takes for granted that she can get up in the morning feeling great and ready for the day, it's true, I know I used to...not anymore. Now when I have a day when I feel well, I'm so happy, pleasantly surprised, and then I jam pack it full of things so that I can make the most of it (probably not the best idea, but you gotta do what you gotta do, right?)
Fibromyalgia just doesn't "cut it" for a diagnosis where I'm concerned as my Drs agree, my situation is just too complex, but having a name gives me hope that one day I'll find an answer; we need that as human beings...answers.
I am grateful, that's what gets me through. I'm grateful for my loving and patient husband who still looks at me as though I was the most amazing person on the earth (which clearly I am NOT) and constantly tells me why he loves me (don't deserve him...I won the eternal lotto), I am grateful for children who pray every day that mommy will feel better and are loving and caring and healthy. I am grateful for a Savior who knows what I go through, because clearly, some people do not, and I pray that their lack of understanding will be replaced with compassion and kindness toward others. I am grateful for my trial of pain and health problems, because without them, I wouldn't understand what others go through, and now I am blessed with that compassion, instead of an attitude of "get over it". I am grateful for the people who come into my home every week, several times a week, etc whom I pay to help me, because without them, I'd be lost. I am grateful for my Mom and the family who does support me, as well as caring and kind friends who are truly there, not threatened, not flaky, just there, and happy and confident with who they are.
I guess that's the answer to that sadness that I feel when I'm throwing up from a kidney infection or ischemic colitis, or a migraine.....gratitude...I have so much to be grateful for.
